Ten
by BurningMandala
Summary: "Her name is Chloe, she says, and you're too distracted and flustered to even care." Changed the summary. This is also now multi-chapter and angsty. I couldn't prevent it. Beca/Chloe. Some Beca/Jesse, as well.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I have no idea where this came from. It started as one thing and then turned into something else. First it started at something with absolutely no dialogue, then I added dialogue. Deleted it. Added it again. Deleted? Changed the format of the story about a million times. So, it's rough and simplistic.

This is also my first Pitch Perfect fanfiction. There are many errors and this is a bit messy. Constructive criticism and reviews are good. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pitch Perfect or it's characters. One can dream.

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**_i._**  
You had no choice in going to college. It wasn't something you wanted to do. Why would anyone waste another four years in school after graduating high school when you already know what you want to do with your life? Your parents didn't understand your ambition. They viewed wanting to produce music and being a DJ as a hobby, something that had no future to it. You disagreed.

You also found it ironic that the only time your parents seem to agree on something is when it's at your expense. Like their divorce, when you were eight. They agreed to split up and it threw you into a life of being with your mom one week and your dad, the next. You didn't understand why but you knew you had no choice.

No choice until you were fourteen and your dad told you he was getting remarried. At fourteen you were old enough to realize your dad had been with this woman for awhile even though he never mentioned that he was dating. And not long after that you figure out that his fiancée is the woman he cheated on your mom with. That's when you told your dad you didn't want to see him again. You don't think you meant it but he listened and you didn't hear from, or see, him again.

That hurt and sometimes you blame yourself and your words but most of the time you blame him because he was old enough to understand every decision he was making and he left after a fourteen year old told him to and you feel abandoned sometimes.

When you hit senior year of high school you argued with your mom a lot. Mostly about college. Sometimes about how late you would stay out, how loud you would play your music, your piercings and tattoos. Then she would get the idea that maybe you were leading a double life full of drugs, sex, and alcohol.

She called your father one night, you find out, and he shows up at your house a few weeks before your high school graduation. He announces that he'll be in town until a week after your graduation to work out your future, he hands you a few brochures and way more information than you want or need about all the classes and programs that this Barden university offers.

You cringe when you see the faces of happy, hardworking students on the brochures. Everything in life is a ploy, just like these college advertisements. It's a game. And it's not something you have time for.

Soon enough you parents tell you that you have no choice, that you will be packed and at Barden University in the fall receiving free education. Your dad seems to drop the word "free" quite a lot. It makes no difference to you.

If anything, you almost want to go less now because your dad acts like this is benefiting him in someway and the last idea you want him to have is the idea that you and him can now have a normal father/daughter relationship.

_**ii.** _  
You did not choose your father. Nope. This thought really never occurred to you much, the thought of what it would be like if you could choose your parents.

There is a boy you met at Barden, Jesse. He's annoying and persistent, charming and childish, handsome and sensitive and not your type at all but you're stuck with him at the internship you have at the campus radio station. Another thing in your life that your dad disapproves of.

Jesse saw you the day you arrived at Barden, pulling your luggage away from the taxi you took because you didn't want to deal with goodbyes from any family.

Jesse later asks you if your dad's a taxi cab driver. You think it's a ridiculous question to ask because of course not, but it gets you thinking. What if Dr. Mitchell, good old dad, was a taxi driver? Well. It would mean he wasn't a professor here at the university and that would mean no college, maybe.

The more you think about it the more profound it all gets because then you have to bring in all the other "what if's" and it causes you think about what other realities there could have been and that terrifies you a little because whether you like it or not, this is your reality.

Your dad tells you that if you start taking school more seriously, he'll help you move out to Los Angeles if it's really what you want.

It is.

You didn't get to pick your father but you decide that if he's trying, maybe you'll try a little, too.

_**iii.** _  
You audition for the Bella's, Barden's all female a capella group. You weren't going to but the piercing blue eyes that met your own blue eyes the day of the activities fair were too hard to say no to. Well, not at first. Because you really don't understand how a capella is even a thing that people get so worked up about over.

Even though you don't want to say goodbye to those bright blue eyes and the long red hair and adorable smile that has your heart beating a little too fast, you say something about not being able to sing and you walk away.

Red hair, blue eyes, smile. All things about this girl you're sure might kill you. Not to mention everything else about her that's completely exposed at the moment. You're in the shower in the middle of the night, to avoid people, but that didn't work out.

Her name is Chloe, she says, and you're too distracted and flustered to even care. She said she heard you singing and that you really should audition for the Bella's.

She asks you to sing for her and who are you to tell this girl no? Even if she did barge in on your shower. So you sing and she quickly joins in with you and you can't help but notice how beautiful your voices sound entangled and entwined together, floating in the space between you.

You audition and you become a Bella.

You think it may be entirely possible that Chloe has a spell over you because in any other world you know you would never choose be a part of an a capella group.

_**iv.** _  
You spend time with Jesse and you have fun sometimes. But you think he sees you as a challenge or a project of some sort.

Oh, Beca doesn't like movies? Challenge accepted.

Beca doesn't understand the importance of a soundtrack in a movie and how each song has it's perfect place accompanied by the perfect scene? Challenge accepted.

Jesse has this complex. Like he wanted to be the hero or savior. The boy that won over the not so mysterious girl with abandonment issues and daddy issues all while subtly trying to fix and mold her into the perfect girl for him.

You didn't know how to explain to him that you do not like movies at all and that it probably wouldn't change, even with all the time you've spent together watching movies. Because with each movie, he thinks he's closer to getting you to love something he loves. Something he considers a part of him.

You chose to say nothing and finished the movie in silence. You turned your head away from the screen to catch Jesse looking at you intently, a far away look in his eyes, then he moves his face closer toward yours.

You move away. You couldn't do this and you didn't want to.

Jesse says goodnight and left.

_**v.** _  
You start attending a few classes, finally. Some of your mixes are being played at the campus radio station, finally. And Aubrey has let up a little bit at Bella's practices, finally.

Life is starting to look up.

**_vi._**  
You feel more optimistic and positive when Chloe is around. You never bet on having a friend like her.

She becomes a constant in your life.

Spending time with Chloe is the opposite of spending time with Jesse. It's easy, Chloe has no expectations. Chloe is happy to sit and chat and listen to your mixes. You worry about her sometimes. Because of the nodes. She always says she's fine or good or great and you never push it because you feel like you know her well and that she would talk about that situation if she wanted to.

Chloe likes to talk, about things she finds interesting and things that make her happy and you like listening to her. You've never been much of a talker. When it comes listening, you've only been interested in music but something about the words Chloe says and how she conveys so much feeling through simple words really captivates you and it drives you insane because with anyone else you would be rushing to pull on your headphones to drown out the voices, but never hers.

When Chloe shows up to your dorm room one night, unannounced and in tears, you don't know what to. You quietly ask her if she wants to talk. No more above a whisper because you feel like anything louder than that, louder than Chloe's barely audible cries and sniffles, would just be too loud.

When she shakes her head "no", you pull her into a hug and instead of completely pulling away you entwine your hand with hers and lead her the short distance from your door to your bed. She lays down and you turn off the late and crawl in behind her. Her back to your front and your arm lightly around her waist.

Chloe's breaths even out and it's only when she's asleep that you let yourself give in to your tiredness and close your eyes.

When you wake up the next morning, you're happy that Chloe is still next to you and you feel a little stupid for thinking that she would be the type to sneak away when you're asleep.

"Hi," she whispers, when she feels you stirring behind her - signaling that you've woken up. She turns to face you.

You smile, "Hi. You okay?"

Chloe frowns for a moment, as if she forgot the reason she was over here in the first place. Then she just looks really apologetic.

**_vii._**  
You start to feel like your father. Things get a little bit out of control with the Bella's and you get frustrated and walk out on them. It all happens right before spring break and you're grateful for that because you don't think you would be able to face any of them after fucking up a competition and finding out you won't be making it to the ICCA's.

You even snapped at Chloe, who was trying to defend you. Which you didn't deserve and you knew that but she definitely didn't deserve to be snapped at and insulted for being anyone other than herself. Kind, beautiful, and humble, Chloe.

You suck.

You ran and abandoned your teammates, your friends.

**_viii._**  
Chloe had tried calling you twice and texting you about 3 times over the span of a week, but you never answered because you weren't sure what to say to her. You were sort of famous for shutting people out and you figured she just never saw that side of you because you never wanted to shut her out before. You don't want to now, either, but you're literally at a loss of what to say after the way you behaved at the last competition. Her voicemails and texts wanting to know if you were okay made you feel guilty.

When you get a text from Chloe a week after her last text message, you're surprised she bothered. When you open it, though, you see it's simple and says nothing more than: _You should come to Bella's rehearsal on Monday_.

You visit your father. It's the last place you thought you would find yourself, on his doorstep waiting for him to invite you inside of his home. It makes you feel uncomfortable. You tell him about what happened at the competition and how you left and haven't talked to any of the other girls. You tell him about Chloe.

You tell him about how you're afraid that you're turning into him. Part of you doesn't want to know the answer but you ask him if he ever regrets leaving you? You ask him _why_ he left. He tells you he doesn't know but it's something he regrets everyday. Then he asks you why you left your friends and haven't talked to any of them. You tell him you aren't sure. Embarrassment, maybe. Or anger. All you know is that you weren't thinking rationally. You want to scream and cry and tell your dad that they way you are is his fault. That he's the reason you shut people out and don't let your relationships go very far but you know that is isn't fair to him. He's trying _now_ and that counts for something.

You thank him.

He suggests seeing each other for dinner sometime soon and you smile and tell him that you'll see him soon.

You didn't get to choose your father but you think maybe think that it doesn't matter much anymore.

**_ix_.**  
When you walk into the rehearsal on Monday you're shocked to see the room, and the girls, in complete disarray. Your eyes seek out red hair and you hold back a laugh when you see Chloe on the floor next to Aubrey, with Amy on top of them, all of them battling each other for the pitch pipe. You hold back a laugh because this isn't funny. You know the reason everything is complete chaos is because of you ,you messed up the last time you were all together. You caused them to lose. When you announce your presence, everyone scatters to their feet and they just stare at you. Nobody looked less pleased than Aubrey does. You apologize to her, and then to everyone.

**_x_.**

The ICCA's weren't what the Bella's expected. You knew you were good, but winning? Winning the whole competition after being disqualified and going through hell and back, practically? It was unexpected and surreal and beautiful and the smiles of the Bella's, and you're own, you're sure, were blinding. Especially Chloe's.

This was the moment, wasn't it? Where you could make the choice? When you finally knew what you wanted, _who_ you wanted.

Maybe endings could be the best part, you cringed, thinking of Jesse for a moment because you knew he was right. When everything felt like it was supposed to and certain moments led up to a climax, you knew it would be the best part.

You felt a tug at your hand and turned around to face the bluest eyes and most mischievous smile you'd ever seen.

"You made this happen, you know?" Chloe said, a grin wide on her face, a sparkle in her eyes.

You ducked her head and then recovered quickly. "Yeah I'm pretty awesome," you started to say it but then Chloe's lips were against yours and you knew.

This was right.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: I don't know what happened. Something made me want to continue this instead of leaving it a one shot. Since it's titled "Ten", each chapter (_maybe_ 2 more, after this) will be like the first, with ten parts. Some longer than others. I try to keep my writing simplistic but not boring. Thank you to those that have read and commented so far. So appreciated.

This may turn a bit angsty. I'm sorry, okay? I can't help it. I don't control the words, the words control me.

Warnings: Language. Sexual content, nothing too explicit. Oh. And Jeca.

This was written in the span of a couple hours, I don't know, it wouldn't leave my head.

Disclaimer: Nope. No ownership.

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_**I.**_

You really don't know what you're doing without her,_ how_ you're doing. Everything always feels up in the air, up for question. You miss her. Freshman year went by too fast and waited too long to really find Chloe the way you did and right now you feel lost. It was unfamiliar because you never needed anyone before. You did fine for yourself.

You decided to stay at Barden for sophomore year, thinking maybe college isn't so bad after all. It isn't. But you miss her, you even miss Aubrey. You underestimated her and being the captain of the Bella's hasn't been easy. Sure, you have your mixes and and know how to arrange things and the girls go with your ideas and throw in their own and it's fun and the atmosphere isn't ever tense, it's free. Something you've longed for.

But now you only long for Chloe.

_**ii.**_

Jesse sort of becomes your confidant and not just the boy you rejected.

He got over it enough, accepts that Chloe is your girlfriend. Sometimes you worry about your own self control. You worry about getting too close to him because there was once a slight attraction there from your side and you know he was practically in love with you. Sometimes you see a trace of hope in his eyes that things might change between you despite your unavailability.

He's a good friend and he listens to your whining and it's kind of a trade off because you'll willingly suffer through watching movies with him since he willingly suffers listening to your whiny bullshit about how much you miss you Chloe.

_**iii.**_

You haven't seen one another since the night before she moved to New York for some grad school program she was accepted into. It was a good night, you savored each other and took your time and nothing was rushed because you didn't know when you would next see each other. Chloe was so easy to get lost in. Her eyes, her smile, everything about her drew you to her and it was like you were stuck and sometimes you didn't want to be. Because you're stuck and _alone_.

The phone calls become sparse and the words between you don't always seem to convey what they need to through a text message.

Sometimes there's some spare time to sext or send a quick smiley face (you would have never used a fucking smiley in a text, or anywhere, before you met Chloe.)

She'll send a quick "I love you" or "I miss you" and you wonder why you want to cry. You say it back, always, but her absence makes it difficult.

_**iv.**_

You're a fucking lightweight and you curse God or whoever in your family history that passed on their genes that made you such a tiny person.

Alcohol has a rapid effect on you and you can feel the burn of vodka in your throat and stomach and you're definitely feeling it in your mind because for some reason, while you feel numb, you also can't stop thinking about anything and you don't know what to do to calm the thoughts and feelings. Usually it would be your headphones and mixes but right now, even that would just be nothing more than noise. Noise and static.

You stumble to Jesse's dorm. You're leaned against the doorway when he opens the entrance to see you. He looks you over once and then stifles a giggle. Yes, a fucking_ giggle_.

"You're drunk." he says point blank.

"And you're an asshole." you shoot back.

He shrugs because he knows you and you're stubborn and you're about ten times more stubborn when you're drunk and he's not going to bother arguing with you. You take it as a victory because you're not feeling very mature at the moment. You notice his laptop on the edge of his bed and you climb atop and prop yourself against the wall in front of his computer, a bowl of popcorn sat next to it.

"What are we watching?" You ask him with no real interest and he knows this, so, he simply answers back with just, "A movie."

He joins you on his bed and stares at you for a long moment, with a smirk and also a look of concern. You don't get it. You never get it, Jesse is the most open, emotional guy you've ever met but sometimes you just can't read him.

"You're kinda cute when you're drunk, you know that?"

"Jesse..." you say, in what's supposed to be a warning but you're not so convinced yourself that it is.

"I was just saying, Becca," he smiles.

You kiss him and for a second the noise and static in your head ceases, and you hear nothing, so you don't stop and he doesn't move to stop you, either. In fact, Jesse's stopped trying to fix you as a person altogether, like he used to do freshman year and you_ like_ who he is.

He lowers you onto your back and hovers above you, you kiss him forcefully and hard and rush to take off his shirt and he follows the same actions with you and you're in sync and it's rushed and needed. For both of you, you think. But you don't care, you can't care right now. Not when Jesse is kissing and biting at your neck and moving his hands down your body and he seems to know exactly what you want and how you want it and he gives it to you. He collapses against you and you can't even think because it was good and your chest is heaving against his and you're pressing kisses along his shoulder as you both come down from whatever ecstasy that you both just experienced.

_**v.**_

Jesse's naked body is next to yours and you cover your eyes with your hand because the sun coming through the windows is too bright and you have a massive headache and the noise and static are back again. He wasn't awake but when you moved to get up he stirred and said your name in in such a sleepy and sluggish manner that it was almost cute. Almost. If you hadn't had just cheated on your girlfriend with this boy you once rejected, it would have been adorable.

You think maybe you wanted this to happen. To feel wanted again. You'd been craving intimacy. Maybe it had gotten a little too intimate with Jesse but it was too late now. You knew Chloe wanted you but where the hell was she? Not _here_. That's all you knew anymore.

"Becs, it's okay."

You shook your head because, no, it was not okay. He placed a hand on your shoulder, you wanted to shrug it off but instead you leaned more into his touch.

"You miss her," he says quietly, "I know this didn't mean anything. I'm here when you need me."

He laughed out of idiocy, "Not in the way of what happened of last night, but if you need to talk. I'm here, Becca."

You nodded and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Without another word, you pulled your clothes on, knowing they were disheveled and so was everything else about your appearance but you had to get out of there.

**_vi_.**

This was ironic.

You found yourself in the communal showers, washing and scrubbing and just trying to get rid of the night before. As if soap could make mistakes in life disappear.

The ironic thing about this, is, this where you first officially met Chloe. When she barged into your shower and part of you wanted to slap her for having no sense of modesty and privacy or space and the other part of you had wanted to pin her against the wall and take her right there but you were shy back then and she was just Chloe. You don't want to break who she is.

Tears were flowing from your eyes before your realized it because water was pouring down on you, after all, and you could taste the mixture of salt and for a moment you felt as if your own tears would burn your skin. Part of you wished that they would.

**_vii._**

There's a knock on your door at exactly midnight, one night, and you groan because why? What could anyone possibly want with you at midnight, especially if they know you and value their life. Everyone knows you treasure your sleep, sometimes more than life itself. You do need sleep to live, after all.

You mumble loud enough for whoever is out your door to know you'll be right there. You stumble from your bed in a haze of sleep, not even close to waking up. You want to bury yourself in your sheets and covers and just hibernate there in the warmth forever. It's isolated and safe and you can't hurt anyone from there.

You open the door and the brightest blue eyes and and red hair and widest smile are greeting you and you freeze. You miss her so much and before you can make a move she's almost knocked you over with a hug, not letting go, like it's been forever since you've seen each other. It has been. Half a year, almost.

"Happy birthday, babe," she says to you excitedly.

Oh. You had honestly forgotten. But leave it to Chloe to remember and be at your door the moment you turn 20.

She hasn't let go of you yet and you don't want her to because her arms are where you know you belong. She kisses your neck softly and pulls away a bit, running a hand through your hair. God, you missed her touch, her smell.

"Sorry I woke you up, I know you love your sleep." She didn't sound the least bit apologetic, though, just happy. You were okay with that.

You kissed her for the first time in months and felt overwhelmed by the feelings that were rushing over you and through you.

She tells you that she managed to get away from New York for about a week and a half and you don't think you'd ever heard better news in your life. Then you remembered that if she was going to be staying her on campus with you for that time span, there was no way the two of you would be able to avoid Jesse. Chloe wanted to see everyone. She even went so far as to say that she wanted to join in on a few Bella's rehearsals. Just for old time's sake, you know.

You really couldn't deny her anything but you wished you could half her to yourself 24/7, while she's here, curled up in bed and ignoring the outside world.

That wasn't a reality, though, was it?

_**viii.**_

You don't tell her. You should, but you don't because you love her and she's Chloe and she doesn't deserve to hurt. _You_ deserve to hurt, you deserve to carry around the guilt you think. You know it's selfish. What you don't know is how you've managed to hold up a facade and act like nothing ever happened between you and Jesse. It was only him and you that knew and they've seen each other a few times, but you knew he wouldn't say anything to her.

Were you being a horrible person? Were you really trying to protect her from the pain, or yourself? Either way, it would hurt. It would hurt so much.

Sometimes you think attending Barden is the best and the most worst thing in your life.

If you had left after your first year, and gone to LA, would any of thing had happened? Would have cheated on her out of loneliness and being desperate? She would have been even further away had you been in California. Anything could've happened. The "What if?" of everything is killing you.

**_ix._**

You're lying in bed one night, her body curled into yours. You're both awake and just mumbling sweet nothings to each other. Your holding hands, sort of. They're connected, but not entwined. You feel like that's what's happened to your relationship with Chloe. It's still there but you don't feel as bonded because of this mistake you've made. If she's noticed a difference she hasn't said anything, not yet anyway. But Chloe isn't stupid, not by any means. Maybe she was used as a bit of a doormat by Aubrey when they were Bella co-captains, but she had a strong drive to her. A force that really couldn't be beat when she had found an idea, or something, to cling to.

She pulls away from you and immediately, you miss her warmth. She's still next to you, though, for now anyway.

Chloe's propped herself on her elbow and is staring down at you, "Hi" she whispers.

"Hey," you say, a little more gruffly because you haven't really been talking very loud or saying anything of much substance for awhile. Silence with Chloe was always so comfortable.

_**x.**_

"I love you", she says in such a quiet breath that you almost didn't hear her, but you knew what she said. Her eyes had changed a darker color over the past couple minutes though and you knew something was about to happen because before you could return the sentiment, she put her finger to your mouth to quiet you. You nodded, letting her know you would let her speak without interrupting and she removed her finger from your lips.

Her eyes were glossy now.

"We should probably...not be together for awhile," she started, her voice trembling, "I know you're trying Beca but things are different now and please don't deny it because I know you and I can feel it and maybe it's the distance and the time we've been apart but I feel like we should be apart until we know where we stand entirely."

You felt so small and Chloe looked so fragile that you knew if you told her the truth you would just shatter her.

You opened your mouth to say something but she covered your lips with hers and when she pulled away, she shook her head.

"I'm going to go back to New York early. Tell all the girls bye for me?" you nodded, "And don't forget to tell Jesse bye, also."

Your eyes widened a little, not meaning to show anything at the mention of his name but Chloe noticed and it was all the confirmation she needed. A tear made it's way down her cheek and you wanted nothing more than to hold her forever and apologize and make everything right. But before you could move, Chloe was out the door with her luggage in hand. You hadn't even noticed all her things had been packed.

Now, silence was all there was and it wasn't comfortable. The silence without Chloe was too loud to bear.


End file.
